you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
