Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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