he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
