You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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