I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
