I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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