Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
