I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Randomize
