Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
