I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
