So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
