i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
