All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
