Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
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I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
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His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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