just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I won't apologize to a one balled man
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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