Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
