I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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