Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
