And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
