Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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