if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Randomize
