dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
