I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
