I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Randomize
