he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Say something about gay babies.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
