trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
