Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
