I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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