these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Randomize
