We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
