We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
