shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
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