i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
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