listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Floor bacon is actually really good
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Randomize
