and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Randomize
