Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
