The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
