Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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