well I can't set my house on fire every night
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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