An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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