marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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