The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
