There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
