you didnt know i had herpes?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
