meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
