my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
