she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
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