We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
