We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
