Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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