Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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