This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
