i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
