do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
