My nipple is on Facebook.
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
