6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
