Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
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