I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
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