girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
P.S. I can't hear my feet
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch