Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
i can't believe i had my finger in that
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.