dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.