omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
