I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"