My Higher Power is John Stamos
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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