.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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