Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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