So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
