so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
