I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I'm bleeding and have questions
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
