I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
