He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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